Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Remembering the Importance of the Journey
Today,
I bombed my Hebrew Test that I spent 3 days studying for. I might not have
failed it but I definitely consider what happened today to be bombing a test. I
knew the material but there was just so much to recall in a second and I
psyched myself up to the point that I made dumb mistakes. Honestly, I would
have done worse if several of my lovely classmates hadn’t calmed me down as I
was being ridiculous. I truly wasn’t at my best today and that left me flustered,
sad, and a little adrift. As a recovering perfectionist, days like this are
hard for me. Being a perfectionist at things you are good at is exhausting and
fairly futile, but perfectionism is even more devastating when you aren’t
successful.
While
contemplating the reality of doing poorly regardless of how much I prepared, I remembered
a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson that says, “Life is a journey, not a
destination.” I contemplated about the way that I have been approaching life in
general and school in particular lately. While it is so important for me to do
well in school because of my plans to continue into doctoral studies, I also
need to remember the bigger picture, the bigger reason for studying so hard is
to come to know more about God and to be able to share that knowledge with
others. Today, I didn’t do well on a test but I have learned so much in Hebrew
in these last 13 weeks, things that have changed me and will continue to do so
as I continue to learn more. As soon as I begin to study just for the sake of
studying, just for the sake of having an A on a grade report then I have lost
sight of that big picture. I will have been living for the destination, instead
of experiencing the journey.
The
destination is certainly important; without it we would have nothing to journey
towards. Yet, when it becomes the singular focus of our lives we miss out on
the small things. We don’t notice those small things that force us to
contemplate and evaluate our lives, emotions, and actions. We miss out on
learning from mistakes and the joy of overcoming obstacles because our focus is
elsewhere.
I
wrote some weeks ago about finding balance in my life. The reality of the
matter is that I am an A-student and do A-level work. In order to be a good
steward of my talents and obedient to the call on my life, I do need to walk in
excellence in this area. Yet, once again, it shouldn’t just be for the sake of
getting that A or getting into a PhD program, it should be because I want to
learn and honor God in all areas of my life, to the best of my abilities. It
should be because I am entirely engaged in my life and the things both big and
small that comprise it.
Today,
I failed at finding that balance, but I also learned a valuable lesson and was
blessed by the many people who spoke kindly to me in my crazy stressed mental
breakdown. I was once again reminded of the Lord’s loving correction, pulling
my focus away from my own achievements and putting it once again where it
should be; solely on Him.
And
because, one Ralph Waldo Emerson quote isn’t enough:
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you
could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as
you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a
spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
